Things I Love/Hate or both

Things I Love/Hate or both

1)      Teen mom- Makes me look like a fantastic mom without fail.

2)      Marshmallow fluff- and underrated food group and also makes for some awesome fluffer nutters. (peanut butter and fluff)

3)      Super hero movies- because I secretly want to have super powers.

4)      Twilight- I got sucked in and now I’m way to emotionally involved with the books to not see the movies.  I had to read every book and see every movie. Go team Edward!

5)      My smart phone- I don’t know how life could have even happened before my E-mail, Facebook, etc. is all at my fingertips.

6)      Chelsea Handler- She’s way more inappropriate than me and she also makes her own name for her vagina.

7)      Taylor Swift- because her songs make me cry. If I need a good cry I put her on. Boom problem solved.

8)      My card night with my Girl Friends- because it’s less about cards and more about talking and booze but the first game is always still played so the boys stay seated. (most of the time)

9)      Easy Mac- so I don’t end up eating the whole box and am not tempted to add hotdogs.

10)   My Kindle- Because I can read perverted books and people can’t see what I’m up to.

11)   Yoga pants- Because they are the best thing ever invented since tampons. I never have a fat day in theses stretchy bad boys.

12)   Pugs- Because no matter what mood you are in you can’t look at a pug in its face and not laugh your ass off.  LOVE MY PUG!!!!!!!!

13)   Coffee- Because it’s crack to me. I can’t be a hot mess and so dysfunctional without it.

14)   The guy from the Notebook- Thank you for raising every woman’s standers of how a man should be. I do understand why all men might now hate you tho.

15)   Vodka- For allowing me to sit though stupid ass movies men think are awesome. –Star wars, Princess Bride, ALL WAR MOVIES, Die hard, Steven Seagal movies, and Miss Congeniality. (Why do men love that movie?)

16)   Shopping- When I’m out shopping and see someone I know and they are all like….” Oh My God, what are you doing here?” I look around to make sure I’m in fact in the mall and not in some inappropriate place I shouldn’t be. I am relieved and answer sarcastically “Oh, you know just hunting elephants, You?” lol….Shopping. Was I not invited? What are you doing here. Lol stupid Questions!

17)   People- people who put stupid things on facebook that I NEED to know the answer to. “So many bad things happened today.”  What….WHAT happened? What bad things? I can’t ask but need to know. It’s probably a life changing event. Maybe it’s devastating? People start ask/say…..”love you hun. I’m here for you. Call me.” “what’s up you know I’m here for you.” Then I ask to myself. Well that’s a bold statement facebook friends of hers. Would if she’s having a bad day because she just reviled she’s a serial killer. You going to ask her to call you and be there for her then. NO….uff stupid facebook. Dame you for posting half statements!  (2 days pass)   “BABE! It’s ok. This person I never talk to at all just had a bad day at work. Someone took her lunch. She’s not a serial killer. She just had to casually but publicly vent. I can sleep better at night now.”

18)   Peanut butter and Jelly in one jar- I think this sounds so cool when I pick it up. Boom…..one jar, all magic. Don’t have to worry about getting a new knife every time. Awesome but confusing. I don’t refrigerate peanut butter but you have to jelly. I never know what to do with it. I use it once then push it to the back of the fridge then when I do use it not fast and easy and full of magic. The peanut butter is so hard it rips the bread and there is never enough jelly. Peanut butter and jelly in one jar. FAIL!

19)   Peeps- I love marshmallows and eating them out of the bag can get you some dirty looks. Problem solved with Peeps!

20)   Flowers for no reason- I don’t know what it is but still brings me to tears when I see my husband come in with flowers just because. I get all emotional and my son and him both laugh at me. Still one of my favorite things.

21)   Snakes- I have this huge fear of snakes. Anything without legs on land is just wrong. They freak me out and even just to see them on television makes me squirm. I can handle spiders. I mean when I see one just walking around the house I scream for a moment but I can bring myself to kill it. OK….SPIDER I NEED A SHOE….. but if I see a snake it makes me almost want to pee my pants. I wouldn’t be able to see it and bring myself to look at it let alone kill it. I would rather be trapped in a room with a tiger.

22)   People who ask questions they don’t care to know. Ever been walking by someone you see every day. At work or whatever? They pass by you and say….”hey how are you.” As they are walking away obviously not wanting to know how you actually are. They ask…”hey what’s up?” And you say….”good, you” they say fine even if both of you are not fine. I just want to stop the next person who would say that to me….”how are you?” and before they walk away I actually tell them…”well not so good. I’m a little constipated. I am crabby so I think I might be getting my period and not looking forward to getting all bloated. You?”

23)   Runny away from kart stalkers. Ever go shopping and you see someone you know. A ex teacher or someone you haven’t seen for years and your duty is to say hi because you know the probability of running into them again is likely. You avoid them aisle to aisle and pretend you don’t see them till they find you. And it’s a big HI!!!!! And they look over to your kart to see what you got. Mmmmm cheese wiz and tampons Stephanie…moviein up in the world. To make matters worse (and this has happened) a fast trip to Wal-Mart with a toddler and you end up with the kart with a bum wheel. You try to turn and it makes a god awful noise and you run right into an ex-boyfriend when your toddler yells out “MOMMA FARTED”  “Stephanie how are you?”  he said eyeing his kart too…”Ah you know good, good. Kart full of chocolate and tampons and it appears I just farted.”