Never, Will I ever again!

 

 

 

 

 

Never, Will I ever again!

The first encounter I ever had with alcohol was at a friend’s sleep over when I was 13. She stole a few of her dad’s beers and we played a game called A, B, C. You sit in a circle and have a sip of the beer and pass it off beer after beer till the whole alphabet was said. Needless to say I cheated. The beer smelled bad and I thought something horrible would happen if I did have too much. God would come down and smite me. He split the clouds point his finger and I would most definitely die. One of the girls noticed my cheating called me out and needless to say I did have a few sips before the game was over. Nothing happened and I felt sort of cool doing something I shouldn’t (in this blog I am not condoning underage drinking but who am I kidding I just wrote about my vagina in the last blog so I think I’m in the clear.)

When my mom came to pick me up I was sure she knew. I just came out and told her anyways sure she would kill me after all God did spare me that night. She was not happy but said things like that happen and to not do it again and asked if I was hungry. Asked if I was hungry? What? She said she was happy I told her the truth about it.  This fact was very surprising to me because my parents didn’t have spare alcohol lying around the house because they simply didn’t drink around us growing up. She gave me a few lectures after that about if I got caught she would not bail me out and leave me in jail to learn my lesson. That was scary enough to not try it again for a while.  

From that point on I never really had anything. My graduating class and friends at age 15 ( for the most part) were good kids who never wanted to have a party or at least I was never invited to them. So it never was a big problem to avoid it. If I did in fact go out for any reason I MAYBE had a sip but never really got "drunk."

When I was younger my older sister was way cool. I mean she had a car, and a boyfriend and she had boobs before I did. So I definitely wanted to hang out with her. After a few days of pleading she agreed to take me to a party she was going to. She told me where it was and how to get there but she was most definitely NOT showing up with me. At this time I somehow retained a boyfriend who in fact did have a car and wanted to go to the party as well.  BINGO! I was so excited. I said I wanted to hang out with her and blend into the party. AKA…I wanted to get drunk. He asked what I wanted to drink. Trying to seem cool I just said…”beer,  whatever kind you like” He most definitely was probably trying to restrain from laughing and just pick up vodka and orange juice. When we got to the party I wanted to prove that I was cool just like my big sister. I mean we share the same genetics so why couldn’t I be? Oh yeah I was 15 and couldn’t shut up to save my life. I’m surprised I even had a boyfriend.  They allowed me to come into the party because I was “little Sister” and I proved my worth by having every shot or drink they handed to me. My boyfriend’s plan to make me a lot of orange juice and a little pinch of vodka failed.  About 2 hours in I was wasted. I mean DRUNK. The floor was spinning and I should have definitely gone home and called it a night. I was ready to. I wanted to go home and sleep it off. I wasn’t so sure about this getting drunk thing. I didn’t feel well.  So we headed out to the car.

Then like the clip from a movie in slow motion the cops pulled up. The words from my mom “I will NOT bail you out of jail” ran in my head and for some place in me I became a super hero. Sprang from my boyfriend’s hand and ran into the woods outside the house and kept running. I was NOT going to sit in jail and have my mom say I told you so. Only thing was I didn’t know where the hell I was going. In pre cell phone era there was no way I was getting anyone to find me. I bet my sister was panicked and I bet my boyfriend would come looking for me. Then out of nowhere I realized I had a fellow runner. The cops were shinning their lights so we panicked. We just walked into someone’s house and sat there. He was younger and was watching T.V. He looked at us started laughing then  said…”.um….what the heck” we ran out.  Ok , yeah I know looking at this now what the hell was I thinking. Just running into someone’s house? They could have shot me but with me thinking I’m a super hero I couldn’t risk it. About an hour of hiding to make sure we were in the clear and me wanting to just sleep at this point we walked back to the party. My sister was gone and my boyfriend had left seemingly seeing me run into the woods with a guy I guess made him mad and he left. How could they leave me?  NOW what?  I was alone and drunk for the very first time. I made my way to the house and I couldn’t call home for my sister, my mom would pick up. She could NOT know about this!  So, I waited till 6am to call my boyfriend’s house. His mom picked up and talked and talked, I thought to myself who is chipper this early in the morning? This is life and death! Wake him up women! After just saying….Yeah a few times to what she had to say she finely woke him up. He reluctantly agreed to picked me up.

 I had had no sleep my head was pounding and I swore I was never going to drink ever, ever, again. My defense mechanism for anyone mad at me is to be madder at them and they end up apologizing. I don’t know why I do it but I do. I let him have it right when I got into the car and him just laughing at me pissed me off but I quickly lost steam when the car started moving and the earth would not stop spinning.  At this point I was just glad that I would be going home.

I make it to the house stumbling to the front step. I looked up, Why did the sun have to be so bright today?  I was hot and sweaty and I smelled really bad. My mouth was dry and I was totally convinced I was slowly dying of alcohol poisoning. Shamefully I walked inside the house. My mom’s Sunday cooking is just death to me. Bacon, eggs, sausage the works. The smells making my stomach turn.  She never cooks this much food and while everyone in the house was smirking at me I paid no attention to them. I want to hide in a cold dark place and die. I tell my mom I was sick and needed to go lay down. About 15 minutes after she woke me up and said I had to come down to eat. She told me to get my butt downstairs, NOW!  In a voice that I know if I didn’t do it she would most definitely kill me if I wasn’t dying already. I didn’t want her to know I had done anything wrong so I went downstairs. She fixed me the biggest breakfast ever and made me eat it. She literally sat there and made me eat every bite.  She knew I was hung over because she was also a super hero and knew when I was lying and was waiting for me to walk through the door. I was NOT going to admit it and after all the flu can happen any time anywhere. She could not win I would prove her wrong that I was not hung over. I ate every bite to prove my point. She kept making me food and banging pans and saying we had no Tylenol.  I put my head down in defeat and said……” FINE you win! You win! I had drinks and shots and my head hurts and I want to sleep and I’m sorry just don’t make me eat any more food you cruel, cruel women.”

She took the food away and replaced in with a glass of water and Tylenol. She explained to me that all of the horrible things that would happened if I kept on this road. She reminded me about not bailing me out of jail if I ever got caught. This was not my mom’s first rodeo. I was the middle child and her saying “don’t ever do this” would just make me want to. She said…”look I know you shouldn’t ever drink and you know you shouldn’t but we both know you will. I don’t want you to but the key to this is you telling me the truth. You EVER lie to me you won’t ever be going anywhere ever again. You will experiment from time to time and I can’t help that but you NEED to be honest with me. If I tell you no, you will lie and do it anyway, case and point you right now at this table.  In saying that I am not giving you permission. You understand me?”  I shook my head yes the best I could.  “oh yeah and if I ever ketch you ever doing drugs I will kick your ass myself.” LOL…..my mom never swore, EVER.  Looking at her this short little Irish women yelling at me saying she would kick my ass made me laugh for a moment. It was quickly replaced with the feeling of my breakfast coming back up. After a day of hugging the toilet and yelling at my boyfriend telling him what a dip shit he was for leaving me things were all was normal again.

This story should have a good moral saying that I did learn my lesson and never ever in life again touched alcohol ever again. All of my “never ever, will I do this again” did end up in a few embarrassing moments. Splitting my pants running away from the cops. Getting electrocuted by a fence trying to climb it. Telling everyone how much I love them ALL the time!  (Add me not being able to shut up times 100 now that’s funny)  Dancing and thinking I’m a rock star in public. Oh, there’s the one time I puked all over a crushes car. Yep….all over the front seat and wind shield. How do you live that one down? YOU CAN’T!!!!!Trying to appear cool after that was just no use. I said never will I ever a lot after that.  Lol… Singing in public and this is just to name a few. I do look back at how stupid I was and how cool I thought I was doing all this shit. Honestly for the most part I shouldn’t even be alive.  I do have to say my mom never had to bail me out of jail. So she never had to say “I told you so” Most importantly I did for the most part stayed away from drugs because let’s face it who wants a short little Irish women kicking her ass? Should I have been more responsible?  Hell yes, but this is shit you realize when you’re older.

Side note- To this day I still can’t have a screwdriver. (Orange juice and vodka)

- I'm not glorifying underage alcohol use in any way shape or form. I am telling MY story of the stupid shit I did. Take what you want from it or.....don't read the blog. :-) Thanks...loves you, smiley face, hugs and kisses, xoxo