Mommy see Mommy Do
When did motherhood become a competitive sport? Being a young
mother I didn’t know who’s advice to take and I constantly thought I was
messing up my kid. “Be hard on him but don’t be too hard. Tell him no but don’t
tell him no this way and this way and this way. Put him to sleep and walk away
or pick him up and don’t walk away. Potty train them with authority but don’t
use authority at all. Don’t bring him in the girls bathroom in a public area
let him do it himself. Do you know what happens if you let your kids that go
into the public bathroom by themselves? Don’t feed him that or this or that or
NOT THAT. Feed him this way not that way. Use this bottle not this kind. Don’t
do it this way do it this way? You’re not a good mom if you do this or this or
this but you are if you do this.” I was sooooo ready to scream! It was when my son was around a year old when
I said FUCK IT!
It all started when
person in my life wouldn’t talk to me and was mad because they thought I wasn’t
doing what she told me to do with my son. She was upset because I didn’t do
what she asked. She was so mad in fact that she said I was a stubborn and
selfish. When I told this person that this was MY son and theses were MY
choices, shit it the fan. I told her not every choice I made would be the right
one but I would never learn how to be a good mother if I didn’t try. There was
no reasoning with this person she wouldn’t hear me. I gave up! I didn’t care if
she thought I was a bitch. I knew what was right for us. Not her….US! From this point on I didn’t care what one
professional said or another one. I didn’t care if I wasn’t perfect. I didn’t
care what people thought. I knew that I loved my son and I knew what was
best for us and our family and although from time to time I do ask advice from
people if I need help. (and I do sometimes and I don’t think that’s a weakness)
For the most part I decided to do what I thought was best for my son. What we
as a family choose and we block out EVERYTHING else out!
I would probably define myself as a laid back mom. I don’t
force things like sports or different things upon my son. I tell him he should
try everything once and if he hates it I wouldn’t make him do it again. Try
baseball but if it’s not your thing, not a big deal. I was not the mother at
the top of the water slide begging her kid to go down. I was the mom who said.
"Come on we will try it once and if you hate it you don’t have to do it again.
Daddy is at the bottom you won’t get hurt." I say as I’m pushing him down. All is well
when he hit the bottom. That’s how I can best describe my parenting “style” I am laid back for the most part and as long
as we do what makes us happy… all is well.
It was a number of years ago when my son really got into
dressing up. When I say dressing up I mean FULL costume. It just so happened he
decided to be a dinosaur that day. He was roaring around the house pretend
eating army men when I realized we needed to go to the grocery store. I didn’t
think twice and playing along with him I yell….”Hey dinosaur, you want to come
with me to the store or do you want to go get human clothes on?” He pulls and
me and growls again and I help him put on his shoes and growl back at him. I
strap the full dinosaur into the car seat and set the tail to the side. We get
to Wal-Mart and hand and hand in mid July Mr. dinosaur who also wanted to wear
a backpack and sport a sippy cup, walk inside. People stare and I figure that
much is normal and walk down all the aisle's till my list is done. I was standing at the
checkout when a women talking to her husband said, “Mothers let their kids do
anything they want these days. Look at that kid getting away with everything.”
I look down at my son, sippy in hand growling at the chocolate milk. For one
second I took what she said into consideration. Maybe I was being a bad mom by
letting my kid have an imagination. I turn around and said. “I don’t find the
harm in him playing why I shop. It’s not hurting anyone and he’s happy.” She
rolled her eyes at me. We finished checking out when my son turns around and
gives her a big GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said “that’s what I’m talking about
there. No manners.” I grab my son’s hand turn around and give her a big GRRRRRRR
too. My son laughs and pulls at my arm so I bend down to him. “Momma
dinosaur” I smile. “yep momma
dinosaur.
He continued to dress up for a number of years. Most people
just laughed at him. Imagine pulling up next to a full clone trooper in the back seat next time you’re in the car.
It just might make you laugh.
I think loving your child and wanting the best for them is a
natural thing. I think all good mothers do. I also believe we don’t and will
never parent the same way or even parent a second child as we do the first. I
do feel like we do judge people to harshly without knowing them. The screaming
child throwing a fit in the shopping mall may in fact be a spoil rotten kid
your rolling your eyes at or they may be a child with a disability that can’t
control it. Just because they may not do what you would do doesn't mean it's the wrong way. Just means its different from what you would do. THAT'S ALL!
While my child was growing from toddler to school age is
when I felt the most judgment from fellow mothers. A mother told me once, “My
child can do this and this because I choose this school and they went here and
did this.” I felt like I was being a bad mother because I didn’t in roll him
yet. Kid these days go through 2-3 years of preschool before they enter
kindergarten. I didn’t know that. I felt bad for not doing that and ended up
putting him in school too early for him and his personality and I should have
gone with my gut and didn’t and regret that still to this day. I knew what was
best for MY son and because I felt like I was doing something wrong I caved to
the pressure. I also got lots of criticism for never putting my son in daycare.
I stayed home with him for a year then took a wonderful job that allowed me to
bring him to work with me every day. I thought I was lucky to find a job like
that to be able not to miss a thing but also get him the social skill kids needed.
I had more than one mom tell me what a mistake I was making. In the end I
believe my son for the most part is a happy little man with respect and will
say his please and thank yous and although he’s not perfect and no child is, I
am so very very proud of the little man!
In the end you will always find someone who disagrees with
what you happen to choose for your family. I believe if you feel it’s right and
best for you and your child do it. Yeah…..we look pretty ridicules sometimes
having a slip and slide in the middle of town in our yard going down it on a hot summer day as grown adults
with a child. Yeah….my husband was playing super hero’s with his son and was
mowing the lawn with a wolverine mask on with darth vador chasing him. Odd looking but my son loves it. You
might drive by to find us having water balloon fights and playing bad mitten
dressed as a clone troopers but we stopped giving a shit what people think and
started caring what our son thought and our son happens to think the slip and
slides and super hero’s are way cool!
My advice to any new mother is when they put that baby in
your arms and your heart jumps out of your body and into theirs love them to
pieces. Go with your gut. Do what’s best for you and whatever type of family
you have. Have FUN with your kids. They are NOT mini adults and will only be a
child for so long. They believe that the impossible is possible and there is magic in that. They dream so
big and tell the best stories. They love you no matter what clothes you have on
or how much you weigh or how you do your hair.
It doesn’t matter what new bottle you have or if they have the newest
latest thing. They just want to be loved as long as you’re doing that you can’t
go wrong. Don’t do “mommy see, mommy do” but do what’s best for you!
Being a mother is probably the best achievement I have ever
made in my life. I am proud of everything he does! He is the funniest most caring,
loving person I know and I’m happy to call him mine. 
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