Muztagh-in-it, 30 Year FREAK OUT!

Muztagh-in-it, 30 Year FREAK OUT!

So I do believe with my up and coming big 30 fast approaching I am going through a little mid-life meltdown. I realize that a lot of you are very secure in your age. I salute the fist pumping, bar burning optimism that you so bolding embrace. I salute you! I on the other hand do not welcome this inevitable title I must have.  Just the other day I was sitting in my car singing along to the radio and being impressed they are actually playing some “GOOD” music and then realize I have on the “oldies” station. That made me realize where I sat in the age group of society.

There are also so many things people just assume you have done by now. A house, a career and kidS! Getting settled in your life but already having things established. Well….. My husband and I got married and had a child rather young. We also purchased our house at age 22. We were ahead of the game so to say. Now with his our son almost 9 and my husband’s career change (for the good) we find ourselves 30 and back in an apartment. (till our house sells) Then all inevitable questions that plague this age of mine. People asking when we will have more children and my Doctor telling me after 30…tick, tick, tick goes your clock. I am almost short have having a mini meltdown. Although super happy in my life and not really caring what others think from the outside looking in and 20 pounds overweight I find myself stressing hardcore over this number. It all starts with…..Gray hairs you pretend you are NOT getting. Not having time to shave your pubic hair into cute little landing strip but just letting it “go”. Not going into a rage of hormones on the kitchen counter but rather seeing if you can fit it in sometime after you put the kid to bed and dishes. Date night consists of a pg-13 movie and low fat popcorn. Paying attention to words like, blood pressure and cholesterol for the first time in your life.  Hearing the health concerns on TV or the news that start with…. “Around the age 30 you should…” Now understanding why people would consume Metamucil and the thing I have thought about most recently was if I will even be able to pass my eye exam when I have to go in to get my license renewed. I have to say I am not ready for this. Everyone saying, “after 30 is when your life really starts.” I came to the conclusion that’s what old people say.

After a long time thinking about this I came to the conclusion that although not perfect I am blessed in a lot of ways. I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what I do or say and who has my back no matter how crazy it may seem.  I have the best kid I think I could ever ask for! Although we don’t have everything we have ever wanted RIGHT NOW we are content for what we do. We are a little family that loves playing games and hanging out with each other. We love each other and care for each other our house is always (although crazy at times) is full of love. So what if shit is not all together by the big 30 and we may have to schedule counter top sex (sorry mom) and I don’t have a perfect landing strip all the time and my hair color is the kind that comes from a box and I still wear jeans with holes in the knees I may just make this age work for me and if not tell everyone…..”no not 30, I’m 25.”

So Fuck you 30! I’m going to rock out with my socks out and I don’t care what age appropriate mess-ups I’m making! But in lieu of age appropriateness …… here is another list.

A recent episode of How I Met Your Mother focused on things you’re too old to do once you’re 30.That list included “piercing your ear” (for guys) and pulling an all-nighter. They called the compilation of the Muztagh List, based on the Lethal Weapon character Roger Murtaugh, whose catchphrase was, “I’m too old for this SHIT.”

Murtaugh List:

Playing beer pong-Beer does not need accessories. That means no funnels, no pingpong balls and, for the love of God, no fruit.(wop)  Oh, and seriously, take the neon Budweiser sign out of your bedroom window. (My husband still wants his neon in the “man cave”)

Hanging unframed posters on your walls- This is null and void if you have a kid because by the time you put it in a frame they will change their mind.

Eating spaghetti out of a can-A box of pasta and a jar of store-brand sauce is just as cheap, per serving, as a can of Chef Boyardee. As an adult, cooking dinner means not eating out of a can, or a bowl, while standing over the sink.

Ignoring the throbbing pain in your head/arm/stomach-Sometimes, aches are the result of too much yard work or a series serious of sleepless nights. Other times, something is wrong. If you are seriously ill, the long-term treatment can cost more than a single doctor’s visit.

Partying till 3 a.m., then wakeing up at 6 a.m.-Your partying skills may remain intact, but your ability to bounce back the next morning is in decline

Thinking any shirt from the pile on the floor will do-Kurt Cobain is dead, and so is your I-just-got-out-of-bed/I’m-stylin’ look. Buy an iron and some hangers

Wearing a pro sports jersey with your name on it-Unless you actually are a pro athlete by now, you never will be. So stop committing this embarrassing, ineffective and public fraud. No one is buying it.

Doing shots- Adults drink to enjoy the beverage, not to get drunk! (oooops)

Sporting clothes with cartoon characters-Winnie the Pooh and Minnie Mouse are cute on 3-year-olds, but adults need to let the characters live on the TV screen, not across their chests.

Sleeping past lunch, unless you work the graveyard shift-Responsibilities don’t disappear under the blankets. Even if you have nothing to do get up anyway.

Pretending that gray hair you just found was a fluke-Go ahead, pluck it. You’ll have two more next week.

Ordering from the children’s menu-Restaurants put thought and creativity into their menus. A basket of chicken tenders is fine for kids, but not for adults. (I still do this btw)

Not knowing what is going on in the world you live in-Read a newspaper!

Wearing jeans with holes in them-  Throw away! (I will keep mine thanks)

Still thinks smoking weed is cool- Being high all the time is not the “cool” thing to do. You are 30 put that shit away. (I don’t have to worry about this one)

Using words like…..- What’s up dude, Hey bro, just Chilin(no your sitting on your ass!)  whoop, whoop ( I am never giving up that one)   riding dirty,  bitchin, hot damn,  way cool, sick,  sweet.

So even though most of what’s on this list is stuff I will still do I thought it would be fun to put it up. So because this is the “Muztagh” list I thought you would enjoy this anti-“im too old for this shit” video.

(on some phones this may not play)

 

So let’s all say it together on 3. Ready?  1……2……3….. "I'm not too old for this shit!"