My Son Is Funny

 My Son Is Funny

My son and probably like all children they say things that are extremely funny. Well, maybe not to everyone but my son (and why wouldn’t I brag I made him) is most definitely the funniest person I know. He makes me laugh all the time with the random stuff that comes out of his mouth. Everyday things I think all children say. We have very busy lives but sometimes if you set down the laundry or work shoes or whatever is taking up most of your time and have a conversation with a small child that has the imagination that can’t be limited you might just laugh your sock off. So, for the past few weeks I have just been writing down the random stuff that comes out of my child’s mouth. It may not be funny to you but to me it’s hilarious.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? I ninja or an elephant?

 

-          Doing homework is like doing a job without getting paid and I think that’s called being a slave. I’m almost 9 and I am a slave to homework.

 

-          If you were a bee don’t you think you would get sick of eating honey all day? Well not me, I like honey being a bee would be like being a dragon with wings and a sword.

 

-          If you and Dad died I would pack up my things in a small backpack and go on a journey to a mountain where I would be taught to be a ninja and save the world several times and everyone would be like….”Logan he is our hero” and I would be like ladies my mom and dad died I am just doing what anyone would do if they had to save the world. Then I would be done doing that at like age 16 and get a car and drive to a beach and play volleyball all day and fight sharks all day and have all the candy I want because when you are a hero you can like eat a lot of candy.

 

-           Who do you think would win in a fight? A big tree that can talk with magical powers or wolverine?

 

-          Me- “Logan you need to clean your room!” I hear him singing/ talking to himself half laying off his bed.  Logan- “I just had few hours to live and they said…clean your room. I loved them so I did what I could with my last breath. (he said coughing and laying one hand out reaching for nothing) “When I’m gone they will say, why didn’t we love him more and clean his room for him and get him more toys?  They will feel guilty and wish with all their hearts they would have let him just be a boy and I will wipe away their tears and say…..be strong mom and dad.”    Me- “Logan are you cleaning your room?” He almost falls off his bed and shoves his Legos under his bed with some pants and dirty underwear. He’s laughing and said….”yep”

 

-          Why do I have to eat vegetables? This is a joke! Bet Jesus didn’t have to eat his vegetables. He was all having to save the world I bet God didn’t say…Jesus don’t forget your broccoli.

 

-          Mom can I try coffee? “sure just a sip and you won’t like it” (he takes a sip and falls to the floor) Why would you WANT to drink poison?  You told dad we are all out of coffee you should have said, Dad we are out of poison. I never want to grow up.

 

-          When I grow up I am not going to go to bed at eight. I am going to stay up really late. I am going to eat candy all day and play video games and never take a shower. I’m NEVER going to get married. Girls try to tell you what to do and there is no way when I am a grown man I am going to put down video games and play dolls or Barbie’s.

 

-          (Side note- my son has a long hatred for Justin Bieber. I don’t know where it came from or why but it’s really funny.)-  Logan- I just wish Justin Bieber has a sister so I could marry her and tell her what a dork her brother is. – He said in his song…..baby baby baby Oh… and I say yeah you’re a baby dah. – All the girls are like, Oh my God Justin Bieber and I say why don’t you listen to some real music like Usher?  “Logan I think Usher found Justin Bieber or something”  Well looks like Usher and I are not friends anymore. “so you guys were friends?” Well not ANYMORE!  If Zombies were attacking the world I would say….Hey zombies you should attack Justin Bieber.

 

-          Why do girls take forever in the bathroom? What are you doing? If you would just stand up and pee it wouldn’t take you so long. “Logan I think girls are doing their hair and makeup I don’t think it has anything to do with peeing.”  Well I am just trying to help.

 

-          This summer when I have enough time I think I want to give a monkey a shower.

 

-          Who do you think would win in a fight? My mom or an ant?  Ha, ha, ha I think an ant.

 

-          If any boys try to date my girl cousins I think I will punch them in the face. “Logan I don’t think you will be punching anyone in the face.” Ron will let me and he will help me. (Ron is his uncle who happens to have 3 girls who is a very protective Daddy) You want to date my cousin? Ha, ha, think again. And if she likes him and he likes Justin Bieber I will be like….Ha, ha, move on you big dork! You want to like me cousin let’s see if you like my fist. “Logan STOP talking about hitting someone!”  Guy stuff mom…you don’t understand.

 

-          I don’t get why you watch the news?  It’s like hey…it’s going to be sunny tomorrow. Why don’t you just wait to find out? Well…..unless there are school closings then I think the news should be watched but other than that don’t waste your time.

 

-          Mom did you know like last year I went sky diving. “No you didn’t Logan.”  You don’t know. I could have got up in the middle of the night and went when you were sleeping. You don’t know everything about me. I also know how to speak Chinese when I was there they taught me. “No you don’t Logan you are just saying words that means nothing. And about that you can’t start doing that at the Chinese buffet. It’s rude and they think you are making fun of them.”  No they don’t mom we are talking and making fun of you. You just don’t understand it because you never went to china. “Logan, you didn’t go to china!”  Well, Stop falling asleep and you would know if I went or not.  

 

-          “Logan clean up your little army men before I throw them away!”  I can’t I am planning out how to save the world. “I don’t care. Put them away before I throw them away.” FINE but when the world needs saving and everyone is all like “Logan help us” I will be like….I can’t my mom made me put my army men away. Sorry the world is ending but you will have to take it up with her and I really don’t want to say I told you so but mom…..I told you so. They will be so mad at you.

 

-          I don’t get why animals don’t wear clothes and just pee and poop wherever they want. It’s like ewwwww bird I was playing there and you pooped there bet you wouldn’t like it if I climbed that tree and pooped in your nest. I should do that sometimes. “NO you shouldn’t”  Mom, you will never understand me.

 

-          MOM… I need a band aid I picked a scab. “We don’t have any I will just take some toilet paper and some tape should work for a scab.” Mom…why can’t we have band aids? It’s not cool to have toilet paper on your knee if you didn’t know mom. “Well last few times you used the whole package in one day on fake owies” First mom they were not owies they were battle wounds. And I NEEDED them! You don’t understand anything. Now I have to walk around with toilet paper on my knee limping and crying my eyes out. “you’re not crying and you shouldn’t be limping it was a scab and we are just at home.” Like I said mom you just don’t get me.

 

-          “Oh say can you see by the dawns that make light. What’s so proudly we hail marry and the twilight move sucks. For the rockets shoot guns. The bombs kill the bad guys. Gave the night that the flag was still in my pocket. Oh say dose that star sprinkled thing yet still in my pocket. For the land of the freeeeeeeee and the home of the BRAVE men!”    Mom that song makes me think, can I see Brave Heart? “No it’s too violent.”  Your mom is too violent. “LOGAN!”  What it’s a saying!

 

-          Who would win in a fight a lion or a tiger. “I don’t know a Lion?” No a bear, Oh my!

 

-          Mom so Jesus can see everything I do? “yes” Ok I need to pray and tell him something. “ok, what did you do?” Promise not to get mad. “ok”  Well when you went to get the mail I stole a hunny bun and stuck in under my shirt and ran to my room to eat it. I got really full so I fed the other half to Nauni. (Nauni is our pug) “It’s ok Logan I don’t think that’s much of a sin but I’m glad you told me and I’m not mad.” Well……after I fed it to the dog I fed him the wrapper too because I had to get rid of the evidence but now I think he might poop out a wrapper. “LOGAN” It’s ok I told Jesus and everything so I think he understand and you promised not to get mad, but since I gave the dog the other half and that means I was sharing can I have another one? “NO!”  Ok, ok….I’m a starving child!. “no your not I just gave you carrots for a snack.”  Yeah about that…..I think Dexter might have eaten them. (Dexter is our boxer dog) “might have?”  No he did I fed them to him.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? You or GG? “I would never fight your grandma Logan.” Yeah and that’s why GG wins!

 

-          Mom why do I have to take a shower or a bath. “because you need to get clean” Did you know people that live in other parts of the world don’t take baths. “yes but you live with me and you WILL take one!”  Mom did you know when you waste water you kill the earth? I just wanted you to know when you make me take a shower I will be also crying because I’m killing the earth. Oh and can I take a bath with bubbles and bring my army men in with me? “sure”

 

-          Mom did you know if you were dying I would buy you flowers. “good to know Logan, thank you” I hope I never have to buy you flowers till I’m really old. “awww that’s sweet Logan” Well yes but also I wouldn’t have a job till I’m really old like 16.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? I triceratops or a wolf?  “I don’t know a triceratops?” Mom! You can’t say that they are not even alive to this day. “well you asked about the dragon so I didn’t think that mattered” Mom there are dragons I have 2 of them for pets last year. You don’t know anything sometimes.

Logan and Uncle Ron

(They both might kill me for putting this on here, But i just had to. :-)