Love/Hate relationship with scary movies

              Love/Hate relationship with scary movies

Ok….so I have a deep and long lasting love/hate relationship with scary movies. It’s not just typical horror movies but almost anything you watch that can scare the shit out of you. Mine happens to be the run of the mill horror films and or the typical “I’m possessed” shit that creeps me out but also 60 minuets or dateline. You know the episodes “murder next door”  or “I didn’t know my neighbor was a serial killer” That shit’s scary. Paranormal state….fuuuucking creepy. That shit scares me.  I mean so do the slasher films but you kinda store them in your mind as unrealistic. Like Aliens taking over the planet stuff. You say when you see them “wow that caught me off guard and that cutting off the leg bit was gross but it’s sort of predictable”  Scary but not THAT scary.

So I feel like I do this to myself all the time. Get hyped up for a scary movie and or creepy dateline (don’t laugh) and set the mood. First you set the mood by closing the shades. This is not to keep the light out but just for the fact of seeing your refection when you have to get up mid movie to pee can scare the shit out of you also leads to stubbed toes. I also sit with my back against the wall anything else is just silly. Dark hallways…..i think not! Final thing…..a night light. Just enough light to run to the safe part of the room incase things get too intense. I love getting scared but hate the scare aftereffects.

Ok so I find something to watch and get really excited at first but also keep the remote in my hands. Pushing pause or fast-forward is key to watching this alone. Oh and locking the doors and windows because you never know. Movie starts and even tho I know it’s not likely or  realistic because I know my neighbors so they can’t be serial killers everything becomes more believable. Like….”omigod I could see that happening and I can’t talk myself out of it because that’s what she said just before they killed her” They do the interviews with the people living next door. “so was there anything odd or strange about them? Did you know they were serial killers?” “NO, they seemed completely normal everyday person.” Ok…..I would hope so because if you knew why didn’t you call anyone? Dah! and “ok so I know my neighbors are in their mid 80’s but they could so do this. Him with his gardening all the time. Obviously hiding bodies  and her with her cookies. obviously poison. I can so see it. OMIGOD they are serial killers. See I knew it! And they said its who you least expect” and all of that seems logical to me at the time because its dark out and maybe it could happen. Everything is fucking scary. So I try to distract myself. I think that I could magically be a ninja if someone ever came in here. I look around the house to plot out my escape plan. “so if they come in this door I can totally make it out the window. I’ll sleep with the dog so that will give me just enough time to run….ect….ect  AND I talk myself into thinking this is everyday normal by saying. “well I can also use this as a fire escape plan.”

So I get into bed and its at this point that EVERYTHING seems suspicious. Hot water heater clicking on, killer/ghost. The wind, some mystical way of letting me know someone just broke into my house. I’m terrified but don’t want to admit it. It’s late so I scan my phone. “who can I call, who can I call?” ok everyone is sleeping you can sleep too just like you did last night or the night before. I say to myself. Oh but it wouldn’t hurt to push 911 but not call and leave it on my phone. Well just incase. Ok ill call my husband. 1:30 am. “hey so what you doing?” “Steph what are you doing up did you watch dateline?”  “pffffft no. why? What I can’t call you and say I LOOOOVE you? But more importantly, So when you going to be home?  Soon I hope cuz I miss you soooo much!!!!!  K love you bye”

After it seems like forever when I get to sleep morning comes and it’s daylight out. I was not THAT scared. What was the big deal? It was just a movie a silly movie. Then there is a knock at the door. I look out the window and it’s Lucy the neighbor with her garden tomatoes to share with us. I am not answering the door and going to eat dead body tomatoes. Pfffft