In life so far I know.....

 

 

In life so far I know……

 

1)      It hurts to love someone and not be loved back….but worse to love someone and never act.

2)      Advice is what we ask for even tho we already know the truth, but wish we didn’t.

3)      Love is acting yourself completely and showing all your scars and showing the stuff you wish you could hide and that person loving those parts most about you.

4)      Life is skinned knees, tears, blood, pain, callused hands and sore feet but without all them things how would you noticed when your happy?

5)      Peanut butter helps hiccups and so dose anything else that takes your mind off it for 15 seconds

6)      Everyone poops. Even butterflies.

7)      Trying to impress someone is always for your own benefit.

8)      Spiders jump…..awwwww

9)      Sisters are friends who can’t brake up with you. Even if they really want to and sometimes you want to punch them in the face. Also…..I can call my sister a bitch but if you do ill kick your ass.

10)   Men will never understand periods! Don’t try to explain cramps, headaches, tampons, feeling sleepy….they will NEVER get it. save your time and ask for more chocolate. Makes everyone happy.

11)   Don’t wish you had better friends….just go find new ones.

12)   Lotion + skinny jeans = fail

13)   When your child/husband is not doing well at a video game apparently the WRONG thing to say is, ”honey it’s just a game.”

14)   I love vampires is not something a 29 year old should say to anyone. Lesson learned!

15)   The older I get the more I fart

16)   If you show too much up top ur a ho, if you show too much leg ur a slut. I’m 5’10 with DD boobs. I must be a hoslut.

17)   Husbands are sweet, kind, understanding and loving when sex or food are involved. Always pick one because without one or the other he slowly reverts to a caveman. Both and he can’t say no to you.  *cue movies like, the notebook, peal harbor, ect…

18)   When did I get fat? I asked…….yeah because it happened that fast. “ummmm last Tuesday?  Yeah Tuesday that’s when fat happened.”

19)   I like to brag about things I did once. Because if I did it all the time you would know I did and wouldn’t have to brag. “I use to….all the time.” If I don’t anymore I will brag! “I use to be hot and skinny, yep and cool.” USE TO BE.

20)   I hate everything I’m not good at. Like having abs or being hot.

21)   Being weird is better than being normal. Least in my book it is.

22)   Smart people ask questions, dumb people pretend they know. Ask more questions.

23)   Admit when your wrong. You can’t be right all the time. Just not possible.

24)   I can’t be a princess because I’m not lady like but mostly because I don’t have the ability to talk to animals and sing on cue.

25)   Black makes you look thin so dose working out. I own a lot of black!

26)   If you are going to bike stay off the road! I can’t see you and when I almost hit you don’t look surprised. I mean your lucky to be alive and made it this long.

27)   Singing in the shower to tween music when ur almost 30 is completely normal. Pretending you’re a rock star for a 20 minuets shower is how everyone should wake up in the morning. (Side note-shampoo bottles make good microphones)

28)   Clowns are not cute. Having them for a child’s birthday party is cruel and unusual punishment.

29)   When your shopping and you go in the express lane (12 items or under) don’t write a fucking check. OMIGOD…..its express.

30)   Take a complement. Its always nice to be modest but when someone is truly genuine and gives it to you. Say thank you.

31)   Don’t be rude. Say please and thank you. If your waiter is rude to you and you feel like you don’t want to say thank you or leave a tip. Don’t jump to conclusions that they are just a bitch or asshole. They may have had the worst day of their life. Maybe they have 3 jobs or their husband/wife left them or what have you. Give each person the benefit of the doubt.  Leave them with a bigger tip and tell them to have a better day.

32)   Kindness is contagious so is crabbiness. Be kind to those who are crabby you may turn the tables.

33)   When you think you’re not making the right choices as a mother watch Teen Mom. Always makes me feel like a supper mom.

34)   Never regret any choices you make. Unanswered prayers by Garth Brooks with explain why. (don’t laugh its true)

35)   Never go to bed angery or leave someone with hateful words. Could be the last time you ever see them and you don’t want to say ….would have, could have, should have.

36)   I’m not weak, or stupid or naive because I believe in God.  If I’m wrong and your right I’ll be dead in the ground and won’t know the difference. At least when I am here ill have something to hope for and believe in. That does not make me weak or stupid. But….. for the sake of augment if I’m right and your wrong…then what?

37)   Mostly…..try to live your life the way you want your kids to live theirs. After all you are their superhero.