My Random Brain Thoughts

My Random Brain Thoughts

 

       

-          I have come to the conclusion that my problem in life is I generally have really good bad ideas.

        

-          I show love to my pug by hugging him so tight while whispering in his ear how much I love him while he scratches the shit out of me trying to break free.          

-          You don’t realize how much you use the letter “F” on your keyboard until it falls off.

         

-          I want the movie voice guy to read me bedtime stories. Things would be so exciting.

        

-          It’s funny when you notice that Batman’s parents got killed when he was Lil Wayne.

       

-          I am in such a good mood until; I realize its laundry day. I begin to slouch, get a headache and I regret so much in life and think of what other way cool stuff I could be doing while matching endless socks.

         
-I put on red lipstick and walk around trying to channel my inner Taylor Swift, but I only end up looking like Miranda Sings.

-          Best way to find something lost is to buy another one. Like magic it shows up.

        

-          I want to know who is the asshole that keeps breaking into my house?! Every time I ask a question to where something went or who destroyed something and everyone in the house is all like…..“I didn’t do it” who did? Who is this guy/girl that eats all the Cheetos and wipes boogers on the sofa and spills bright blue juice on the rug? Who would do that?

        

-          People are all like… “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” Well, I am not dead yet and I still can’t open a jar on my own or kill a spider.       

-          My goal weight is what I actually what I put on my license.        

-          People ask me advice all the time and I always give them a warning first. I say, “Just so you know my socks are currently not matching and I haven’t washed my hair in 2 days and sometimes I like to take cheese in a can and spray in directly into my mouth. Now we have that out of the way do you still want to proceed?”

 
- You know your full of shit all the time when your own mother questions your sanity. Soooooo.......I'm on vacation in South Padre and see the most beautiful tropical bird on random going to the local grocery store. I go up to the person and ask to hold it and the bird loves me. We are soul mates!  When my mom comes out of the store the bird is gone but I continue to tell her the beautiful story about this beautiful big bird that I fell in love with. Her response is..... " What's wrong with you? Are you high"  Pffffffft..... Good thing I take pictures of everything.

-          In a fit of frustration I text my husband… “You’re an asshole” and he types something sweet back and I blame my outrage on auto correct. “silly auto correct, that was supposed to read, you are the best person I ever met in my life and I love you!”

-          On our vacation to south padre I recently discovered the most amazing invention in the world at my cousin’s house. A Pina colada maker. It ruined all Pina coladas for me for life. It was so good that now when I order my favorite tropical drink anywhere else it’s just shit. I can’t make it because it just isn’t the same and the machine is too expensive to only use it for that reason. I would want to get my total money’s worth use out of it.  So every day would be Pina colada day and people would find me drunk all the time singing into my tropical umbrella. I think it almost might be worth it!?

-          I love the self-checkout line at Walmart. Its where I go to buy everything you don’t want people to see you getting. Like just going the the store to by tampons, anti poop or diarrhea medication. But because life hates me EVRYTIME I try to use it the red light goes on and the lady comes over and can’t get it to work and they call another person over and another until they inform me I used the “cash only line” and would have to wait in line for another line to use my card. I have to take all of the items out of the bag and move to another line. It defeats the purpose for my fast and EASY retreat and I have to rescans them at another “fast checkout” line. I simply whisper…… “Why dose life hate me?”

-          I am home alone and hear a noise. I automatically scan the room for a safe and hasty exit and when I become brave enough to check out the noise I send the dogs in first and if they make it back alive and go in saying things like, “Uff this gun I casually carry around the house for no apparent reason is heavy.” And when I realize it was just the dryer I yell at the dogs for overreacting.

-          Never have I ever………… ate a whole thing of mint Oreo cookies and as my husband walks in toss the empty container to the floor and shout….. “bad dog”   

-          When people ask me what my favorite music is I am too ashamed to admit what I actually listen to. I still like the causal boys 2 men on my playlist. So I start naming bands that are cool I that I have no clue what songs they sing.

-          Whenever I look at a magazine and see a beautiful girl with unattainable beauty I remind myself that everyone in the world has diarrhea from time to time and it makes me feel better about life. “WOW!!!!!!  She’s so beautiful, but she poops so we are not so different.”       

-          I recently saw a quote on Facebook that said. “Don’t let anyone treat you like you are a yellow starburst. You are a pink one dammit.” And now I know I have been mistreated my whole life and it’s all because I am the only one that prefers the yellow starburst.      

-          Whenever  I wake up my hair takes on this…..”Rocker” vibe. Everyone is always like…. “Looks like a rat’s nest.” I don’t know about you but I don’t believe I have ever seen a rats nest and I would be more concerned about your living conditions when you frequent the occasional rats nest as to compare my morning hair do too. Just sayin.

-          My guilty pleasure is Justin Timberlake. Just makes me wonder what his guilty pleasure is. I picture him wearing short, shorts dancing around his house to “hit me baby one more time” It makes my unhealthy obsession seem ok.

         

-          Whenever making new friends I always give them a warning first. “Just because I’m up front I am now warning you that I am not normal and I say weird shit.” And then when I say something completely out in left field they look at me like I’m crazy and I always bring up that I did warn them. The best of friends for me though is when I find someone crazier than I am and instead of weird look I hold them in a tender embrace and whisper……. “where have you been all my life”

     

 

 

A open letter to my sister and her husband….

A open letter to my sister and her husband….

I just got back to South Dakota from what only I can explain as the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. Yes, yes I know I am a little bias seeing at is my baby sister,  but it was very, very beautiful.

As custom the bridesmaids stayed with the bride the night before the wedding.  It wasn’t until I was back at my sister’s home to spend the night when I realized some things. As I was walking into her new beautiful home looking at the home my sister and her soon to be husband as made for themselves. I was shocked. It truly was a beautiful home. They worked together to build this and I think that is what makes it so amazing. Most of the home was built by her husband’s own hands being the sentimental weirdo that I am I found so much symbolism walking up and down her halls. Then I look over at my sister. So happy and so calm. She walks about the house making sure we have all that we need and even though we should be tending to her every need she was tending to ours. As we lay down for the night I hear her friends all around her. Laughing, joking, and it reminded me of a saying. “If you have one, just one truly good friend in this world consider yourself lucky.” I looked around at her friends her very close friends and I have countless stories of years and years of friendship between them all. It makes me almost want to cry. She is not only lucky but blessed to have so many girls who would do and have done just about anything for her. Not part time friends or friends that show up when they need something or want something theses girls, everyone of them in that room has not only been there for her but me from time and time as well just because of her.  I lay down on the mattress and have a few more minutes with her before we all fall asleep for the night. She walks around and said….”Anyone need anything? Everyone have everything?” And I said…. “No, I need you to tuck me in.” I say with a joke tone. She bends over crawls in bed with me puts her arm around me and said. “I love you” and kisses me on the head. “I love you too.” I said even though I know she already knows.  As we wake up the next morning she is up before us with coffee ready. Lol….like I said, she on her wedding day looking out for us. I sip my coffee as we work out the days plans.  I play “Chapel of love” on my phone as each girl brakes out in full song in the kitchen.

Everything goes on without a hitch. It get’s time to walk down the aisle and I stood up there with all my sisters friends and my sister and wait for her to walk down. She looks flawless and so very very much like a princess. There is my dad beside her. So proud walking his little girl up to the man on her dreams.  They start the vows and I facing her husband looking at him say the loving words to my sister I feel a tear come down my face. The promises he is making her in front of family and friends and God……I can’t hold the tears in.  I look away as to not get too chocked up and I look at our dad. His eyes are full of tears, happy tears because of the smile that also paints his face. My mom with tears and that’s it the tears are just going to flow. This is it, the day we have talked about since we were little. It is here and the moment will soon pass us. I take a deep breath and look around.

Soke it all in. Every face and every flower in the room so I can recall this moment when we are old and gray. I look up at my sister not a hair out of place her eyes looking right into his and a little smile creeps up on her face. This moment that look she is giving him, that is what all the fuss is about. Every love sappy movie and fairy tale and romance novel. That look of complete love is what everyone wants and they both looking at each other in that moment. Eyes locked on each other as if they are the only people in the room. This is what I will tell my kids some day when they ask me….”how do you know you are in love” and I will start the story off as…..”Once upon a time, not so long ago there lived a little blond girl and her firefighter.”

Landon- Ufff where to start? I know over the years I have given you crap. You have to understand that is what big sisters do. We never had brothers to do the ass kicking so I nominated myself. I would give you so much crap and you kept showing up. To every birthday of mine and event you came. I knew almost the moment she brought you around that you were the one but to let you know that would be another story. And there you were the same kind and giving man every time. It wasn’t a show or a act you where really that person. You not only loved my sister so very, very much but our family as well. You would tell me you love me and not because you had to but because you did and you cared. You would listen to me complain and bitch. Lol….I would start a story and no one would hear me and there you are listening to everything I had to say. You are so very patient and kind and I can’t imagine my sister with a better man. You truly are an amazing person and I am so blessed to now call you brother. Thanks for taking care of my sister Landon. I know I don’t say this to you a lot and I am not much for hugs and stuff but , Thank you and I love you too!

My baby sister Krista- You looked amazingly beautiful. I can’t tell you how very very proud I am of you. Proud would be an understatement. To look at the women you have become and the person you are makes me happy to call you my sister. The letter you gave to me the day before your wedding is something I will hold dear to my heart. Those words mean so much to me and it’s something I will keep forever. Thank you! I can’t believe how just in a blink of an eye you went from baby sister to bride. Where did all that time go? I want to let you know how very blessed I am to have a sister like you. When I needed you and when times were hard for me and everyone that cared kind of faded into the background and I grew depressed, You and without asking picked me up and you were there for me and you didn’t ask questions, you knew I needed you and you dropped everything and where there for me. You gave me love and compassion. I was supposed to be the big sister and take care of you and there you were taking care of me. That is something I have and will never forget. I won’t forget the days of playing  together when we were young.  Growing up and spending long summer days together and the pool and doing everything together. Growing up into teenagers and half killing each other and loving each other in the same moment. How we joke around and laugh and all the stuff we did together. I won’t forget one minute of it Krista! I can’t imagine my life without my sister. For those that don’t have a sister they can’t and won’t understand our bond. The friendship and love that comes with having a best friend you can never brake up with. I love you Krista! I am proud of you and I don’t have to say “I wish you a long and happy life together” wishing would be pointless when it’s a given. You WILL have a long and happy life together. I love you so much and I am so happy for you. Your “Once upon a time…..” Ended with a “Happily ever after”  I love you baby sister!

 

 

The Big Day

The Big Day

 We are little girls setting up our Barbie houses down the long hallway in our parents home. I have a wood Barbie house with green shutters and a white door. My little sister has a bright pink Barbie house with blue shutters and blue door. We lay out our Barbie’s and swap outfits. It’s the big wedding day. Her Barbie is going to marry Ken the man of her dreams. We set up the hallway and pick out just the right music for the big event. The song from “adventures in babysitting” we sit up the wedding party and our Barbie’s hug and kiss as she walks down the aisle. We swear to be friends forever and live right next door to each other forever and ever. At the end of playing we pack up our Barbie’s and put everything away. I look at Krista and she starts to cry a little. I give her a look and she whispers…”I don’t want to ever get married and move away. I don’t want to leave its too scary. I will just marry my dad and stay here.” I look at her and said….”well I think you have to get married it’s a law or something. You get to wear a big princess dress and eat cake all day.” She smiles a little…. “Ok I guess.”  

                                                                                http://youtu.be/xFrecN_dsPc

It’s a week before my baby sister’s wedding and I can’t believe she’s getting married. So many memories and so much time has passed up to this big day.  If any of you have sisters you know that growing up and growing up as teenagers is not always easy. At first its Barbie’s and pig tales and fairytales then there is hormones and screaming and yelling and so many close calls to almost killing each other it’s not even funny.

Where do I start?  My younger sister and I are very much alike. We are stubborn and bullheaded and we both think we are right. Keep us both in a room for too long on a bad day with a disagreement you can see everyone in the room causally walk away. She thinks I’m stupid and a bitch and I think she’s her bitching is stupid. It’s not a big deal to us though. Because we are so much alike we know that no matter what we will love each other and stick up for each other and its ok if we call each other a bitch but when someone else does it’s NOT ok. It’s the way it’s always been. Odd to others but perfect for us. We love each other and so much when shit hits the fan we take it harder than everyone else. If something happens to her…..(and it has because she is prone to accidents) I panic. I literally freak out. I want to control the situation and be with her as soon as possible. Same for when things go wrong in my life. I don’t have to ask her to be there she just is. Shows up at my door and takes care of me and that is something beyond sisters. It’s a deep friendship that only we can understand.

So here we are years later and she’s getting married. I can’t believe it. In my eyes she is and will always be my baby sister. It sucks too just for the fact that I’m miles and miles away. The little things I’m missing. Like dress shopping and be there to help, picking out colors and table settings and just…..being involved and knowing my sister she has it “totally under control” but still wanted to be there. I am so sentimental like that.

So far from playing Barbie’s down the hallways in our old house. So far from long summer days on our trampoline in the yard. So many years from all of that. In a few short days she will be walking down the aisle for real. She will be spending the rest of her life with her real prince charming. She will look like a princess standing up there. She will be nervous and shaky because I know her. She will be so consumed and worried that everyone has fun she might forget about her own. I will remind her how fast the day will go and not everything will go perfect but no one will notice. I will remind her to have fun and how much I love her and I will remind her she looks just like a princess and she can have all the cake she wants.  After all it is her wedding day.

 

So here is to you baby sister for finding your prince charming and your dream house and your princess dress.  I love you!

(Important wedding tunes.)

http://youtu.be/x1p2_sSRRUo "Best Friends Wedding"  

http://youtu.be/xFrecN_dsPc  "Adventures in Babysitting"   

http://youtu.be/rTq7w8P6_2I  "Chapel Of Love"

And just for fun  Wedding Movies Montage http://youtu.be/PsStIUnNyM8

 

 

                                            

                                

 

Tiger meat…..Wait, what?

Tiger meat…..Wait, what?

 

Moving to South Dakota from Minnesota from the outside looking in it appears like any Midwest small town. Well South Dakota is way flatter then Minnesota but for the most part same small town feel. Old buildings, Small little dives mixed in with modern things. Everyone moves a little slower and most places don’t open till 11am. It’s a little bit more country then my Minnesota small town. People in cowboy boots and hats seems the norm. Country music on every radio station but it’s peaceful. Every town has their culture or what they are known for. My small town of St. Charles MN is known for a beautiful flower, The Gladiola. We sell it, farm it, and even have a parade and town festival about this flower. It’s a traditional thing that we hold pride in. Something that is “ours” and yep, that’s a flower. A beautiful one for that matter.

 In Minnesota we have a state bird and song ect. But the food we are known for even made it to the Travel Channel “Bizarre foods.” It is something I thought would be so bizarre it couldn’t be out done. It’s Lutefisk. For all my non Minnesota readers, lutefisk is a boil fish that hails from Norway. Most of the first immigrants of Minnesota were Norwegian descent. If your blood line hails from Minnesota you are bound to have some Norwegian blood in you. If not you know someone who does. Where do we start with this food.  It is well…..it’s a required taste. That is a nice way of saying, if you were not raised on it you won’t like it but holding with tradition it’s what most Minnesotans eat around Christmas and Thanksgiving.  

Here is a little 411 on this food - Lutefisk is made from dried whitefish (normally cod in Norway, but ling is also used) prepared with lye in a sequence of particular treatments. Yep I said lye. And it’s cooked in a net looking this boiled in water and served with butter and salt. Lutefisk is very popular in parts of United States, particularly in the Upper Midwest and Pacific Northwest, and in Nordic-North American areas of Canada, especially the prairie regions and the large Finnish community at Sointula on Malcolm Island in the province of British Columbia. From October to February, there are numerous lutefisk feeds in cities and towns around northern Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Michigan. In the Nordic Countries, the "season" for lutefisk starts early in November and typically continues through Christmas .In the United States, Minnesota has dubbed itself the "lutefisk capital of the world" as well as claiming the largest per capita consumption of lutefisk in Minnesota. St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minnesota serves lutefisk during their famous Christmas Festival concerts. They also host an annual music festival called "Lutefest."

So basically it’s a traditional rotten tasting fish. So coming to South Dakota I didn’t think anything could really gross me out. I ate at the little home town places in town. They do eat a lot of game and some odd things you don’t find on your standard menu. Gizzards are a top favorite of a lot of people. They don’t have a side of fries they have a side of fried gizzards. Not normal but not unheard of for me. After spending half a year here we got to know a hometown South Dakota favorite. Another traditional food that for me made lutefisk look like nothing.

 

 

 

 

(Picture-Gizzaards)

 

It’s called Tiger meat. That’s right tiger meat. It’s not what your thinking although I don’t think that makes it better. “Tiger meat is a raw beef dish. Recipes tend to vary, but they do have common ingredients that include: raw beef, raw egg, onion, salt, pepper, and other seasoning .The freshness of the ingredients is paramount with this dish. However, all uncooked meat will still carry the risk of foodborne illness and visual inspection of the meat is not thorough enough to determine microbiological contamination. Preparation involves simply mixing the ingredients together in a bowl, and then serving it on crackers. It is closely related to steak tartare, and is common in Midwestern US states with significant German populations, such as North Dakota, South Dakota, Wisconsin and Minnesota. Kessler's grocery store in Aberdeen, SD serves a famous variety, as does the Butcher Block in Mandan, ND.”

 

Yep, RAW MEAT! Awwwwwww it’s so weird. The thing is most people will eat it at any gathering. Birthday parties, super bowl parties and pot lucks and in MN you will have popcorn or peanuts at your bars. Here it's tiger meat. They just eat it with a salted cracker and they eat LOT’S of it. I decided to head to Kessler’s Grocery store in my town of Aberdeen to see what all the fuss is about. I talked to the man that makes it and asked if the salt or anything in it cured the meat? That made it safe to eat it or something?  He laughed and said “No, it’s completely raw. It’s part of a traditional thing here.” I asked if anyone really eats it or is it just a one time of year type of thing. He said they sell out of it very fast and more so in the summer. He said “people are just use to it around here, growing up on it. In the summer they leave it sit out and eat it like a dip.”  OMIGOD!!!!!!!!! Raw, warm meat? Raw WARM meat!!!!!!!!  Well, to each their own. I thought maybe for this blog I would try it to better understand what it was all about, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not tiger meat for me thanks.

I guess one thing us small town born and raised people do have is tradition. We move at a slower pace than our friends in LA, NY, and such. One thing with keeping small is holding on to what brought our ancestors there in the first place. We have little flower festivals and eat strange food you would probably pay an arm and a leg for at some out there restaurant in some big city. We are simple hard working people and for that I’m proud. So …..Readers if you are ever in MN around Christmas stop by well…..basically any small town church and have yourself a lutefisk feast. If you are ever in South Dakota and you are braver than I and have good immune system try some Tiger meat.

 

(Tiger Meat at Kessler's in Aberdeen South Dakota)

My son Logan :-)

 

So what's weird to some is normal for others. Below I will provide a “YouTube” link to “Bizarre Foods” about the Lutfisk and other MN foods.

 

 

 

 

 

http://youtu.be/kYuq8ZnvGqE

(part 1)

http://youtu.be/q96OpM315yU

(part 2)

http://youtu.be/-eOS54F_ZoU

(part 3)

I definitely should have had my orange juice today.

I definitely should have had my orange juice today.

I woke up this morning to rain and overcast for the 4^th day in a row. Groaned to myself a little and I drag myself out of bed sleepy from not getting any sleep the night before. Roll out of bed and stub my toe and big chunk on my toe nail falls off. It hurts and I ignore the pain and stroll over to make coffee. Because my luck is awesome the filter was not put in right so when I got to the bottom of my coffee I swallow little tinny coffee grounds roll my eyes and drop my son off to school. With a bun on top my head and be half awake and someone runs the stop sign I let out a swear word and then now owe my son a dollar. Drop him off and head home.  Because I was in a hurry I didn’t kennel the dogs up because I was just going to be gone for a minuet so when I get home I step in dog pee in the middle of the kitchen floor. I half limp to the bathroom sink with my foot in the air and wash off my toe and foot. I get a phone call from my husband while I’m cleaning up pee and he tells me we might have to wait 30days longer in order to start picking out our new home. He was on the phone with people figuring out things when we hang up and I call my sister to complain. Half sobbing and frustrated I vent to her. I look outside and groan to myself with no sun in sight I’m slowly becoming the Grinch. I get a phone call and it’s Logan’s school he only has 2 days left and ran out of lunch money. I write a check and head back out real fast to his school. I get in looking like I must have just got hit by a train bun of hair still on the top of my head. They then explain to me that I would have to pay cash. Looking in my wallet I just have bank cards I told them I would just bring it tomorrow.  On my way home again I decide I should have a better day. Get in the house again and should have learned from the first time but with me running out I didn’t put away the dogs again. The small one thought it would be fun to spill my juice all over the floor again. I clean that up swearing a little to myself. I turn on the news and am watching the tornado damage and death toll I decide I really don’t have all that much to complain about. I try to be thankful and thought maybe a shower and a better attitude would make my day better. I get in the shower and try to wash away the morning when the water out of nowhere turns colder and colder. I try to turn in hot and it seems that is the hottest it will get. I wash the shampoo out of my hair as fast as I can when the water heater must have clicked on and scolding hot water comes out and makes me jump out of the shower pulling the shower curtain down with me. Water going everywhere I give up on the shower clean up the water and wash the rest of the shampoo out of my hair in the kitchen sink. With my head in the sink watching the soap run out I begin to laugh and the laugh gets louder and louder. This so reminds me of those commercials where all this bad stuff happens and the person said…..”well good thing I have my orange juice”  Note to self-Get Orange juice.

http://youtu.be/oL0dXg_V-h4

(The link if it won't play on your phone)

 

 http://youtu.be/LtQdpX0nnu0
(link to funny or die clip-Orange Juice)

My Son Is Funny

 My Son Is Funny

My son and probably like all children they say things that are extremely funny. Well, maybe not to everyone but my son (and why wouldn’t I brag I made him) is most definitely the funniest person I know. He makes me laugh all the time with the random stuff that comes out of his mouth. Everyday things I think all children say. We have very busy lives but sometimes if you set down the laundry or work shoes or whatever is taking up most of your time and have a conversation with a small child that has the imagination that can’t be limited you might just laugh your sock off. So, for the past few weeks I have just been writing down the random stuff that comes out of my child’s mouth. It may not be funny to you but to me it’s hilarious.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? I ninja or an elephant?

 

-          Doing homework is like doing a job without getting paid and I think that’s called being a slave. I’m almost 9 and I am a slave to homework.

 

-          If you were a bee don’t you think you would get sick of eating honey all day? Well not me, I like honey being a bee would be like being a dragon with wings and a sword.

 

-          If you and Dad died I would pack up my things in a small backpack and go on a journey to a mountain where I would be taught to be a ninja and save the world several times and everyone would be like….”Logan he is our hero” and I would be like ladies my mom and dad died I am just doing what anyone would do if they had to save the world. Then I would be done doing that at like age 16 and get a car and drive to a beach and play volleyball all day and fight sharks all day and have all the candy I want because when you are a hero you can like eat a lot of candy.

 

-           Who do you think would win in a fight? A big tree that can talk with magical powers or wolverine?

 

-          Me- “Logan you need to clean your room!” I hear him singing/ talking to himself half laying off his bed.  Logan- “I just had few hours to live and they said…clean your room. I loved them so I did what I could with my last breath. (he said coughing and laying one hand out reaching for nothing) “When I’m gone they will say, why didn’t we love him more and clean his room for him and get him more toys?  They will feel guilty and wish with all their hearts they would have let him just be a boy and I will wipe away their tears and say…..be strong mom and dad.”    Me- “Logan are you cleaning your room?” He almost falls off his bed and shoves his Legos under his bed with some pants and dirty underwear. He’s laughing and said….”yep”

 

-          Why do I have to eat vegetables? This is a joke! Bet Jesus didn’t have to eat his vegetables. He was all having to save the world I bet God didn’t say…Jesus don’t forget your broccoli.

 

-          Mom can I try coffee? “sure just a sip and you won’t like it” (he takes a sip and falls to the floor) Why would you WANT to drink poison?  You told dad we are all out of coffee you should have said, Dad we are out of poison. I never want to grow up.

 

-          When I grow up I am not going to go to bed at eight. I am going to stay up really late. I am going to eat candy all day and play video games and never take a shower. I’m NEVER going to get married. Girls try to tell you what to do and there is no way when I am a grown man I am going to put down video games and play dolls or Barbie’s.

 

-          (Side note- my son has a long hatred for Justin Bieber. I don’t know where it came from or why but it’s really funny.)-  Logan- I just wish Justin Bieber has a sister so I could marry her and tell her what a dork her brother is. – He said in his song…..baby baby baby Oh… and I say yeah you’re a baby dah. – All the girls are like, Oh my God Justin Bieber and I say why don’t you listen to some real music like Usher?  “Logan I think Usher found Justin Bieber or something”  Well looks like Usher and I are not friends anymore. “so you guys were friends?” Well not ANYMORE!  If Zombies were attacking the world I would say….Hey zombies you should attack Justin Bieber.

 

-          Why do girls take forever in the bathroom? What are you doing? If you would just stand up and pee it wouldn’t take you so long. “Logan I think girls are doing their hair and makeup I don’t think it has anything to do with peeing.”  Well I am just trying to help.

 

-          This summer when I have enough time I think I want to give a monkey a shower.

 

-          Who do you think would win in a fight? My mom or an ant?  Ha, ha, ha I think an ant.

 

-          If any boys try to date my girl cousins I think I will punch them in the face. “Logan I don’t think you will be punching anyone in the face.” Ron will let me and he will help me. (Ron is his uncle who happens to have 3 girls who is a very protective Daddy) You want to date my cousin? Ha, ha, think again. And if she likes him and he likes Justin Bieber I will be like….Ha, ha, move on you big dork! You want to like me cousin let’s see if you like my fist. “Logan STOP talking about hitting someone!”  Guy stuff mom…you don’t understand.

 

-          I don’t get why you watch the news?  It’s like hey…it’s going to be sunny tomorrow. Why don’t you just wait to find out? Well…..unless there are school closings then I think the news should be watched but other than that don’t waste your time.

 

-          Mom did you know like last year I went sky diving. “No you didn’t Logan.”  You don’t know. I could have got up in the middle of the night and went when you were sleeping. You don’t know everything about me. I also know how to speak Chinese when I was there they taught me. “No you don’t Logan you are just saying words that means nothing. And about that you can’t start doing that at the Chinese buffet. It’s rude and they think you are making fun of them.”  No they don’t mom we are talking and making fun of you. You just don’t understand it because you never went to china. “Logan, you didn’t go to china!”  Well, Stop falling asleep and you would know if I went or not.  

 

-          “Logan clean up your little army men before I throw them away!”  I can’t I am planning out how to save the world. “I don’t care. Put them away before I throw them away.” FINE but when the world needs saving and everyone is all like “Logan help us” I will be like….I can’t my mom made me put my army men away. Sorry the world is ending but you will have to take it up with her and I really don’t want to say I told you so but mom…..I told you so. They will be so mad at you.

 

-          I don’t get why animals don’t wear clothes and just pee and poop wherever they want. It’s like ewwwww bird I was playing there and you pooped there bet you wouldn’t like it if I climbed that tree and pooped in your nest. I should do that sometimes. “NO you shouldn’t”  Mom, you will never understand me.

 

-          MOM… I need a band aid I picked a scab. “We don’t have any I will just take some toilet paper and some tape should work for a scab.” Mom…why can’t we have band aids? It’s not cool to have toilet paper on your knee if you didn’t know mom. “Well last few times you used the whole package in one day on fake owies” First mom they were not owies they were battle wounds. And I NEEDED them! You don’t understand anything. Now I have to walk around with toilet paper on my knee limping and crying my eyes out. “you’re not crying and you shouldn’t be limping it was a scab and we are just at home.” Like I said mom you just don’t get me.

 

-          “Oh say can you see by the dawns that make light. What’s so proudly we hail marry and the twilight move sucks. For the rockets shoot guns. The bombs kill the bad guys. Gave the night that the flag was still in my pocket. Oh say dose that star sprinkled thing yet still in my pocket. For the land of the freeeeeeeee and the home of the BRAVE men!”    Mom that song makes me think, can I see Brave Heart? “No it’s too violent.”  Your mom is too violent. “LOGAN!”  What it’s a saying!

 

-          Who would win in a fight a lion or a tiger. “I don’t know a Lion?” No a bear, Oh my!

 

-          Mom so Jesus can see everything I do? “yes” Ok I need to pray and tell him something. “ok, what did you do?” Promise not to get mad. “ok”  Well when you went to get the mail I stole a hunny bun and stuck in under my shirt and ran to my room to eat it. I got really full so I fed the other half to Nauni. (Nauni is our pug) “It’s ok Logan I don’t think that’s much of a sin but I’m glad you told me and I’m not mad.” Well……after I fed it to the dog I fed him the wrapper too because I had to get rid of the evidence but now I think he might poop out a wrapper. “LOGAN” It’s ok I told Jesus and everything so I think he understand and you promised not to get mad, but since I gave the dog the other half and that means I was sharing can I have another one? “NO!”  Ok, ok….I’m a starving child!. “no your not I just gave you carrots for a snack.”  Yeah about that…..I think Dexter might have eaten them. (Dexter is our boxer dog) “might have?”  No he did I fed them to him.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? You or GG? “I would never fight your grandma Logan.” Yeah and that’s why GG wins!

 

-          Mom why do I have to take a shower or a bath. “because you need to get clean” Did you know people that live in other parts of the world don’t take baths. “yes but you live with me and you WILL take one!”  Mom did you know when you waste water you kill the earth? I just wanted you to know when you make me take a shower I will be also crying because I’m killing the earth. Oh and can I take a bath with bubbles and bring my army men in with me? “sure”

 

-          Mom did you know if you were dying I would buy you flowers. “good to know Logan, thank you” I hope I never have to buy you flowers till I’m really old. “awww that’s sweet Logan” Well yes but also I wouldn’t have a job till I’m really old like 16.

 

-          Who would win in a fight? I triceratops or a wolf?  “I don’t know a triceratops?” Mom! You can’t say that they are not even alive to this day. “well you asked about the dragon so I didn’t think that mattered” Mom there are dragons I have 2 of them for pets last year. You don’t know anything sometimes.

Logan and Uncle Ron

(They both might kill me for putting this on here, But i just had to. :-)