Muztagh-in-it, 30 Year
FREAK OUT!
So I do believe with my up and coming big 30 fast approaching
I am going through a little mid-life meltdown. I realize that a lot of you are
very secure in your age. I salute the fist pumping, bar burning optimism that you
so bolding embrace. I salute you! I on the other hand do not welcome this inevitable
title I must have. Just the other day I was
sitting in my car singing along to the radio and being impressed they are actually
playing some “GOOD” music and then realize I have on the “oldies” station. That
made me realize where I sat in the age group of society.
There are also so many things people just assume you have
done by now. A house, a career and kidS!
Getting settled in your life but already having things established. Well….. My
husband and I got married and had a child rather young. We also purchased our
house at age 22. We were ahead of the game so to say. Now with his our son almost
9 and my husband’s career change (for the good) we find ourselves 30 and back
in an apartment. (till our house sells) Then all inevitable questions that plague
this age of mine. People asking when we will have more children and my Doctor
telling me after 30…tick, tick, tick goes your clock. I am almost short have having
a mini meltdown. Although super happy in my life and not really caring what
others think from the outside looking in and 20 pounds overweight I find myself
stressing hardcore over this number. It all starts with…..Gray hairs you
pretend you are NOT getting. Not having time to shave your pubic hair into cute
little landing strip but just letting it “go”. Not going into a rage of
hormones on the kitchen counter but rather seeing if you can fit it in sometime
after you put the kid to bed and dishes. Date night consists of a pg-13 movie
and low fat popcorn. Paying attention to words like, blood pressure and
cholesterol for the first time in your life. Hearing the health concerns on TV or the news
that start with…. “Around the age 30 you should…” Now understanding why people
would consume Metamucil and the thing I have thought about most recently was if
I will even be able to pass my eye exam when I have to go in to get my license renewed.
I have to say I am not ready for this. Everyone saying, “after 30 is when your
life really starts.” I came to the conclusion that’s what old people say.
After a long time thinking about this I came to the conclusion
that although not perfect I am blessed in a lot of ways. I have a wonderful
husband who loves me no matter what I do or say and who has my back no matter
how crazy it may seem. I have the best
kid I think I could ever ask for! Although we don’t have everything we have
ever wanted RIGHT NOW we are content for what we do. We are a little family
that loves playing games and hanging out with each other. We love each other
and care for each other our house is always (although crazy at times) is full
of love. So what if shit is not all together by the big 30 and we may have to schedule
counter top sex (sorry mom) and I don’t have a perfect landing strip all the
time and my hair color is the kind that comes from a box and I still wear jeans
with holes in the knees I may just make this age work for me and if not tell
everyone…..”no not 30, I’m 25.”
So Fuck you 30! I’m going to rock out with my socks out and I
don’t care what age appropriate mess-ups I’m making! But in lieu of age appropriateness
…… here is another list.
A recent episode of How I Met Your Mother focused on
things you’re too old to do once you’re 30.That list included “piercing your
ear” (for guys) and pulling an all-nighter. They called the compilation of the Muztagh
List, based on the Lethal Weapon character Roger Murtaugh, whose catchphrase
was, “I’m too old for this SHIT.”
Murtaugh List:
Playing beer pong-Beer
does not need accessories. That means no funnels, no pingpong balls and, for
the love of God, no fruit.(wop) Oh, and
seriously, take the neon Budweiser sign out of your bedroom window. (My husband
still wants his neon in the “man cave”)
Hanging unframed
posters on your walls- This is null and void if you have a kid because
by the time you put it in a frame they will change their mind.
Eating spaghetti
out of a can-A box of pasta and a jar of store-brand sauce is just as
cheap, per serving, as a can of Chef Boyardee. As an adult, cooking dinner
means not eating out of a can, or a bowl, while standing over the sink.
Ignoring the
throbbing pain in your head/arm/stomach-Sometimes, aches are the result
of too much yard work or a series serious of sleepless nights. Other times,
something is wrong. If you are seriously ill, the long-term treatment can cost
more than a single doctor’s visit.
Partying till 3
a.m., then wakeing up at 6 a.m.-Your partying skills may remain intact,
but your ability to bounce back the next morning is in decline
Thinking any shirt
from the pile on the floor will do-Kurt Cobain is dead, and so is your
I-just-got-out-of-bed/I’m-stylin’ look. Buy an iron and some hangers
Wearing a pro
sports jersey with your name on it-Unless you actually are a pro
athlete by now, you never will be. So stop committing this embarrassing,
ineffective and public fraud. No one is buying it.
Doing shots- Adults
drink to enjoy the beverage, not to get drunk! (oooops)
Sporting clothes
with cartoon characters-Winnie the Pooh and Minnie Mouse are cute on
3-year-olds, but adults need to let the characters live on the TV screen, not
across their chests.
Sleeping past
lunch, unless you work the graveyard shift-Responsibilities don’t disappear
under the blankets. Even if you have nothing to do get up anyway.
Pretending that
gray hair you just found was a fluke-Go ahead, pluck it. You’ll have
two more next week.
Ordering from the
children’s menu-Restaurants put thought and creativity into their
menus. A basket of chicken tenders is fine for kids, but not for adults. (I
still do this btw)
Not knowing what
is going on in the world you live in-Read a newspaper!
Wearing jeans with
holes in them- Throw away! (I will
keep mine thanks)
Still thinks smoking
weed is cool- Being high all the time is not the “cool” thing to do.
You are 30 put that shit away. (I don’t have to worry about this one)
Using words like…..-
What’s up dude, Hey bro, just Chilin(no your sitting on your ass!) whoop, whoop ( I am never giving up that one) riding
dirty, bitchin, hot damn, way cool, sick, sweet.
So even though most of what’s on this list is stuff I will
still do I thought it would be fun to put it up. So because this is the “Muztagh”
list I thought you would enjoy this anti-“im too old for this shit” video.
(on some phones this may not play)
So let’s all say it together on 3. Ready? 1……2……3….. "I'm not too old for this shit!"
